To my surprise, there was a small bundle of leather that was left beside the basket that I use to do the mending. I remembered the warning I was given as I touched the soft leather, but I still think it will be worth the chance if it means it is a step toward something that will please him. I wish to thank the elder Master, and shall do so verbally one day, but for now, I think he just waits to see what I will do with it. I hope to make him proud as well as my own Master. Had I been back in the city, I would have taken him something. A bowl of stew, or some pastries. But I have learned that what is here is not mine to offer. The people eat well, but I am also learning how hard it is to work for each meal. One mistake and it could mean going without food for a hand. Maybe longer. There is much coming to my understanding. A much simpler way of life than I am used to, but it is also a much harder way of life. I've always been told slaves must earn their way. I never knew the depth of that statement until now. A simple way of life, but it has its complexities. So much to learn still...
He has said nothing of the quilt. In fact, I am not quite sure he has even taken notice. If he did, nothing had registered in his voice. I have not been reprimanded nor praised, which when I thought about it, is that what I really made it for? My own selfish desire for praise? I can say no- that I did it for him, so he would be pleased. Which is true. Then I find myself waiting for judgement. Even somewhat disappointed that there was nothing given either way. It was then that I looked into myself and questioned my motives. Perhaps that was his lesson. In any case, it was a good one. It really made me think, and rethink myself. I'm not a bad slave. I'm not a bad person. The desire I have to please him is a natural one. But. It has made me a better slave. I will make this new jacket for him. Because for one, he needs it. Two, a slave must see to her owner's needs. Three, it shows him his slave is not an idle slave without any skill. And this time, if he says nothing, I may should consider myself lucky after the elder Master's warning. In any case, I look forward to the time when it is made and can be laid out for him to wake to.
We don't speak much, Master and I, though sometimes I think there is something that weighs heavily on his mind. I want to ask him, but I don't think he'd share with a simple slave. At times, there's a storm that swirls in his eyes as if there are so many thoughts, or emotions, something, going on within him, that his very presence can be overwhelming. I try to soothe whatever is on his mind with soft touches and smiles. One day, soon in fact, I'll get brave enough start talking to him. He may regret that then, since I may never shut up after. I've not been so quiet since .. I can remember!
I've gotten down most of the basket weaving, though I doubt I'd win any awards just yet. They still look a little lopsided to me sometimes. The vulo and I, well, that is still a challenge, but I am learning by watching the other slaves. The one woman came to inspect the basket making and said I was doing better. When I inquired of the beading, she just smiled, pointed to the basket that I'd made and walked off. So, I will keep trying. I'll have to so I can bead the jacket before it's given to him. It has to be perfect.
I sat outside of the wagon the other evening, watching the snow come down. Nothing heavy. But the flakes that came down seemed so huge. I caught one and looked it closely, at the shape of it and how it glistened. Then another landed while the first had started melting away on my palm. It is fascinating to me, these snowflakes. Never the same, no matter how many may fall. I watched it dust along the wagons, the fires. It was such a peaceful feeling. And I realized just how much like these snowflakes we all are, no matter our station in life. I may be of the city, but I am learning to adapt. I am but one of many yet whatever fate designs destiny, I was drifted to come here. And Master is certainly not like any other I have encountered. Ever. In my life. A simple beauty. A simple understanding that most take for granted. " It's just snow. It makes it difficult to get around. Makes it too cold to do anything." And so on. They should slow down for an ehn. Look at the snowflakes. Look at the patterns and appreciate the unique beauty in each one. Just as I am learning to do with what has been placed before me.
This self reflection thing isn't so bad. I see a lot in myself that needs to change, to make me better of a slave for him. Now all I need is the chance to show him, even if its just little bits at a time. I'm trying. I want to be worthy of him. The others still make fun of the collar I wear. No sign that I belong to him other than his claim. Its a good thing here, that is enough.
So far, I've been allowed to sleep beside him. Even have woke a few times to find myself wrapped around him, or his arm over me. Words do not describe what feeling this brings. This is where I belong. With him.
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